My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
