I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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