He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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