I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
