it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
