I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
