In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
