mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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