really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize