"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i out mim tonsoeep
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