for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
