He asked to "fluff my boner.."
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
soo... how was my night?
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