dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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