You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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