I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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