i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
