Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
