just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
