you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
