Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
