What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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