a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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