i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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