I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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