She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
