let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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