dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
