If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize