genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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