K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
