If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
