Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
