mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
