Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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