oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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