ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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