he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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