Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
