Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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