hell yes lets make some ravioli
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You took a bar mat shot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
