Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
