a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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