Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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