Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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