you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
