She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
