Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
