He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
