In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
