i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
