Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
