I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize