So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
