Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize