Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
