you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
