omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize