This girl is more easily done than said...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
