apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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