Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
