JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
