maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
