If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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