I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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