Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
