I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
