I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
