i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
