I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize