just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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