stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize