I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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