I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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