is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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