His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
