So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
