we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
