Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize