Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
