That's when you crack a 10am beer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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