Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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