does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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