Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
