this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize