remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
