Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
